Lilies in glory
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Anxiety stricken
For the past week, many thoughts were crossing ma mind and i was so confused. I kept on having the thought of "oh, i should blog about that" but each time i try to write out the feelings and the thoughts of some issues troubling ma mind, i fail. They piled up till it became difficult for me to sleep & to eat. I hided from ma friends as i used to do when i'm depressed so as not to depress them too. If any of my friends calls me i used to pretend -as much as i can- that i'm okay and start to joke and laugh, although sometimes it's so hard.
One day on my way home with my family from a place supposed to please me, and in which i met people i hadn't seen for 4 months-i guess- and whom i used to feel so happy seeing them, The first bunch of thoughts occured to me:
Can short period of time change people's minds and principles ?!!
She changed or is it me?!!
Why i'm no longer feeling comfortable when i talk to her and she's the one i used to consider ma sis?!!
May be she's as she used to be and that's all because of me. I'm the one who tried to be blind to all the differences between me and her and share her everything she likes even if i'm not interested on them at all, talk with her and listen to things i don't actually care about just to keep her as a sis. Now i have my own character, my own intersets and my own perspective for life which is "totally" different than hers. I used to shut up if i don't agree and speak out loud if i agree. I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore and i couldn't be what she wants me to be and that hurts me b'coz that means, i'm losing her as she's somewhat full of pride. I'll try to get along with her as much as i can no matter our differences are and without changing a thing on me. It's so hard to do especially with someone who can't accept the fact that sometimes he/she might be wrong.
There're other thoughts that made me (and making me) so anxious, but this couple of days am feeling better and don't wanna talk about them so as not to pull the scar and bleed again.
Well, let's say some good news, Tomorrow there will be a celebration in the Egyptian-American center and a Poem Competition will be held, I participated and i've to say 3 poems. I'm still unsure of which of my poems are the best of the worst :S so that i can say them in the competition. Frankly, i was kinda hesitated and i thought to back out from the competition BUT it's not me..As long as i believe that one doesn't lose when beaten but when retreat...
Honestly speaking, i'm still nervous, Your duaa's for me dear bloggers :)
Labels: Anxious, my thoughts, Poem competition
posted by Salma at 4:16 PM
9 Comments:
first of all : rabna ma3aky , ya rab ttwafa2y fe your poems , but try to get a little bit nervous and every thing is gonna be all right isa
second:about the girl you Speaking about i think you take the right decision but i hope you try not to lose her as much as you can ..
:) may allah make all of your days full of happiness and good newses
so sorry 4 elongation
I may have an idea about what you're going through as I some what have been through something like that a while ago ...
when I discussed it with some friends and family members ... you know what they said?
It's called getting mature
you're starting to have your own character and you're forming your own perspective ... Your judgements upon things may very well differ ...
That reflects for sure on your social relationships and especially with close friends ... and that's why you get anxious ... coz you're afraid to lose as you don't share the same common interests and values with them anymore ...
Now , I can't tell you what to do ... but as for myself what I did was that I tried to transfer my own perspective and new values or thoughts to them as much as I can ... and I tried to be as frank and honest as I could be
so guess what?
We're a very strong brotherhood now ... We share same thoughts ... same perspectives about life ... Of course I lost some of them but what I have left is more than enough for me
You're still young and you'll meet better and fantastic people ahead that you can very well love them as if you knew them all your life.
Finally ... I wish you the best of luck at your poem contest and if possible after the contest is over you may publish them in a post to read them ... Good luck and God bless you
ربنا معاكي يا رب
ويخفف عنك
بصي يا سلمى
خلاص انتي شخصيتك بدأت
تتحدد بوضوح
اصبح عندك بناء فكري خاص بك
يستقبل ويحلل ويستنتج
ويعطيكي اراء
هي اراء خاصة بك
وطالما انت على يقين من اراءك
فلا تتنازلي عن موقفك
اكتسابا لرضاء الاخرين
او حفاظا على حميمية العلاقة معهم
عليهم ان يتقبلوك هكذا
قلبا وقالبا
ولا تقلقي
سيعتادون عليك
برؤيتك الجديدة
عليك انت ان تثبتي
ولا تجعلي من الاخرين
سجنا تسجني فيه افكارك
تمتعي بحريتك الفكرية
تذوقي استقلالية فكرك
لا بل كوني شرهه في تعاطيها
وان لم تستعيدي هذه
ستكتسبين غيرها
اتمنى اني اكون فهمت
او وصلني مضمون البوست
انت عارفة لغتي ليست جيدة بالمرة
انما حبي لكتاباتك
يدفعني للاجتهاد
عارفة حاجة جميلة جدا
عجبتني فيكي
انك مش بتحبي تحملي اصدقاءك اكتئابك
وحالتك النفسية السيئة
بل على العكس
تحاولي ان تمازحيهم ايضا
اتمنى لك ان تجتازي هذه الفرة سريعا
وكويس انك تحسنت قليلا
وفعلا فكري في الامور الجيدة افضل
كي لا تعودي لنفس الموود
واتمنى قراءة قصائدك هنا
بعد ان تلقيها في الاحتفال
ارجو التصحيح لي
ان كنت اسأت فهم مضمون البوست
والله الموضوع مش سهل اوى لكن اللى اقدر اقوله
حاولى تكونى انت دايما يعنى ما تحاوليش تجارى المواقف او تيجى على افكارك و مبادئك علشان الناس اللى انت معاهم لان ده هيلغى شخصيتك او هيمسخها وده لا يعنى انك تكونى متصلبة مع الناس او تخالفيهم دايما لكن الامر يحتاج بعض المرونة بحيث انك توفقى بين استقلاليتك وكيانك الشخصى وبين اصدقائك وافكارهم وما تصليش فى وقت من الاوقات انك تصطدمى مع اى منهم وهنا يكمن الذكاء على ما اعتقد
بس انا مستغرب من النبرة القوية والمنفعلة شوية دى
خليك كوووووول يا سلمى وروقى وكل أزمة بتنحل باذن الله
ربنا يوفقك فى المسابقة وترفعى اسمنا فوق السحاب
حقيقى مستغرب
سلام يا سلمى
Huda:
Thank you sooo much ya hadhoda for your duaa's (bene w benek Allah estagab le du3a2ek ;) w never be sorry for writing whichever length, i'm sooo happy reading them :)))
Yeah, i'll try not to lose her, especially b'coz she was always someone special to me since we were just little kids.Thanks again :)
The Last samurai:
I don't know how to thank you for such GREAT words. Really thank you soooo much. Your comment comforted me soo much :)
Your family's answer about that is 100% correct. My character and my way of thinking about life aren't shaking anymore, they became stable and that's why i can't block the flow of my thoughts and ideas and keep on listening to trivialities any more.
The way you dealed in that situation was very good and i'll put the "transformation of my thoughts" skill in my mind.I hope that the rope binding you with your friends will always be that strong.
About the poem contest: it's over and the result will be a surprise:) Sure you'll find my poems in the next post isA.
Jazak Allah for your concern Samurai, I'll be so happy if you visited ma blog again and again :)
ما علينا:
دائما تبهريني بتعليقاتك يا ماعلينا. بجد مش مجاملات أو أي حاجه. دي حقيقه.
كلامك مظبوووط ميه في الميه و أكثر من راااائع. أنتي عارفه أنا بعد ما خلصت كتابة البوست كنت بفكر الغي التعليقات عليه..بس أنتوا بجد بتثبتولي أن فكرتي ديه ماكنتش سليمه.عارفه لما تلاقي نفسك ماشيه في طريق وتحسي أن بسلك من تحبيه طريقا مضادا أن كل الناس عكسك و فجأه تلاقي ناس زيك..نفس العقليه..نفس التفكير و نفس المبادىء, ده احساس رائع و هوه ده اللي أنا حساه بعد ما قرأت تعليقاتكوا.
فعلا صدقت المقوله التي طالما رددتها "مفتاح الفشل هو محاولة ارضاء كل شخص تعرفه"..بشكرك جدااا على اهتمامك يا ماعلينا و أنت لغتك جيده جدا و مضمون البوست وصلك مظبوط تماما و القصائد هنزلها في البوست اللي جاي ان شاء الله :) جزاك الله كل خير
أبو سويلم:
والله أنا لم أقصد أن يصل الى من يقرأ نبره قويه أو انفعال..أنا كمان قصدت أكتب عنه بعد ماتحسنت عشان ميكونش وقعه صعب أو كئيب.
أعتذر لذلك. بالنسبه للمرونه فكلامك مظبوط و ده بيطبق كتير لأن صعب أن حد يلاقي صديق مشابه له في كل شىء و لكن..في حالة تأكدك بأن كل أو معظم اهتماماتك مختلفه عن اهتمامات الطرف الاخر و أنه يشعر بالملل من حديثك عن أي منها..و أنت ترى أن معظم اهتمامات الطرف الأخر أكثر من سطحيه, فتظل تشاركه الجزء السطحي من عقلك لأنك تعلم عدم قبوله للحديث الخاص بباقي أجزاء عقلك ,لكي تنسجموا. و عندما يتقلص الجزء السطحي من عقلك شيئا فشيئا و تزداد عنده/عندها, عندئذ تصبح مسألة المرونه صعبه للغايه..أو على الأقل بالنسبه لي..أنا الان الحمدلله أفضل حالا و المسأله كانت صعبه عليا
في البدايه لأنها تتعلق بشخص طالما اعتبرتها -من أيام طفولتي- أختي التي لم تلدها أمي.
أتمنى أن استغرابك للموضوع يكون قل و بشكرك جزيل الشكر على دعائك و اهتمامك :)
Sharing feelings with others is sometimes a cure. As I know the whole thing as I am ur bro. :) I suggest to support her, to try to guide her to the right handed way. Friendship is to help ur friends when u feel they need that help, even if they didn't ask for it.
Saheeh, bloggers want to know what happened in the peom contest, so, don't leave us waiting, 2al ya3nee ana ma3rafsh eh ellyhasla feeha :).
Aymaaaan:
My sweeeeeeeeeeeet brother :))
I'm extremelyyyy happy ya Ayman to have you here(yeah i've you at home, bas ana tama3a ba2a and wanna have you every nook and cranny ;)
Yeah Ayman, you're 100% correct, real friends should always be there for each others when one of dem is in need of help or guidance although it's sometimes so hard, when the person who is falling thinks that he/she is totally fine and rejects your 'attempt' to help.
I'll put your words on ma mind and will never give up isA.
About the poem contest ;)
I apologize for keeeping who's waiting wait,So sorry bout dis.
I'll pubish a post bout it today isA :)
انا اسف عشان اتاخرت فى التعليق
النت كل شوية يفصل
خصوصا كل اما احاول اعلقلك
بالنسبة للموضوع
متضايقيش نفسك عشان حاجة زى كده
مفيش حاجة فى الدنيا دى تستاهل زعلك
لو الموضوع ده بيسببلك احراج
حاولى تحددى العلاقة اكتر بينكم
يعنى خليها فى اضيق الحدود
ربنا يوفقك فى المسابقة
وان شاء الله تكونى حققتى نتايج حلوة
بلاش البخل والتقل ونزلى بوست
بليزززززززززززززز
كل سنة وانت طيبة
ورمضان كريم
والسلام يا سلمى
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