Lilies in glory
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Anxiety stricken
For the past week, many thoughts were crossing ma mind and i was so confused. I kept on having the thought of "oh, i should blog about that" but each time i try to write out the feelings and the thoughts of some issues troubling ma mind, i fail. They piled up till it became difficult for me to sleep & to eat. I hided from ma friends as i used to do when i'm depressed so as not to depress them too. If any of my friends calls me i used to pretend -as much as i can- that i'm okay and start to joke and laugh, although sometimes it's so hard.
One day on my way home with my family from a place supposed to please me, and in which i met people i hadn't seen for 4 months-i guess- and whom i used to feel so happy seeing them, The first bunch of thoughts occured to me:
Can short period of time change people's minds and principles ?!!
She changed or is it me?!!
Why i'm no longer feeling comfortable when i talk to her and she's the one i used to consider ma sis?!!
May be she's as she used to be and that's all because of me. I'm the one who tried to be blind to all the differences between me and her and share her everything she likes even if i'm not interested on them at all, talk with her and listen to things i don't actually care about just to keep her as a sis. Now i have my own character, my own intersets and my own perspective for life which is "totally" different than hers. I used to shut up if i don't agree and speak out loud if i agree. I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore and i couldn't be what she wants me to be and that hurts me b'coz that means, i'm losing her as she's somewhat full of pride. I'll try to get along with her as much as i can no matter our differences are and without changing a thing on me. It's so hard to do especially with someone who can't accept the fact that sometimes he/she might be wrong.
There're other thoughts that made me (and making me) so anxious, but this couple of days am feeling better and don't wanna talk about them so as not to pull the scar and bleed again.
Well, let's say some good news, Tomorrow there will be a celebration in the Egyptian-American center and a Poem Competition will be held, I participated and i've to say 3 poems. I'm still unsure of which of my poems are the best of the worst :S so that i can say them in the competition. Frankly, i was kinda hesitated and i thought to back out from the competition BUT it's not me..As long as i believe that one doesn't lose when beaten but when retreat...
Honestly speaking, i'm still nervous, Your duaa's for me dear bloggers :)
Labels: Anxious, my thoughts, Poem competition
